Un­der­stand­ing and using nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion

We’re always com­mu­nic­at­ing, even when we’re not speaking. Even if we’re not talking or gesturing with our hands, we’re still sending cues through our gaze or posture; these signals are in­ter­preted by others. We reveal a lot about our emotions and in­ten­tions from the way we stand and sit in relation to other people, whether we maintain eye contact and for how long, and by our facial ex­pres­sions.

In the 1960s, American psy­cho­lo­gist Albert Mehrabian claimed that only 7% of the emotional impact of a present­a­tion is conveyed through words, whereas 55% is conveyed through body language and 38% through tone of voice. In short: Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion is crucial to how our words are un­der­stood. But many people still un­der­es­tim­ate the im­port­ance of non-verbal com­mu­nic­a­tion. We can greatly improve our personal and pro­fes­sion­al re­la­tion­ships by un­der­stand­ing the nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion of others and ef­fect­ively using nonverbal cues ourselves.

Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion is the oldest form of in­ter­per­son­al com­mu­nic­a­tion. Our ancestors used sounds and body language to com­mu­nic­ate before spoken language existed. Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion can be un­con­scious, semi-conscious or conscious, but we can’t control every type of nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion at will. For example, some people blush or sweat when they get nervous. We often have little control over these physical reactions. Besides, we have no ability at all to change our personal body odour, which also sends cues to other people. On the other hand, we can change other cues such as our posture or tone of voice. There are many different ways of com­mu­nic­at­ing without words.

We con­sciously and un­con­sciously convey a wide range of emotions through our faces, from a smile to a frown.

We can use hand movements to emphasise our words, signal de­fens­ive­ness and openness, and convey our feelings without words. Examples include upturned palms (openness), expansive hand gestures (self-assurance), and shrugging (in­dif­fer­ence).

Our ability to maintain eye contact has a big effect on our audience. People who avoid eye contact are easily perceived as being dis­in­ter­ested, insecure or em­bar­rassed. Prolonged eye contact can make people un­com­fort­able, however.

The way we walk or stand says a lot about our per­son­al­ity. Long steps, an upright walking posture and feet firmly planted on the ground are often in­ter­preted as signs of de­cis­ive­ness, con­fid­ence and courage. Similarly, we send signals of like or dislike by facing the other person or turning our upper body away from them.

The concept of habitus (or “condition,” from the Latin verb “habere,” meaning “to hold.”) refers to the our overall man­ner­isms and habits, the way we appear, including our clothing, hairstyle, the ac­cessor­ies we wear, the hobbies we pursue and the means of trans­port­a­tion we use. These aspects allow others to draw con­clu­sions about our social and societal standing.

Para­verbal com­mu­nic­a­tion is the way we convey our messages verbally. It includes things like in­ton­a­tion as well as the speed, volume and pitch of our speech.

Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion in­flu­ences social in­ter­ac­tions in many ways. Many nonverbal cues are conveyed un­con­sciously, so they’re often more reliable than verbal messages when reading someone’s state of mind. Knowing this can be helpful when you’re in­ter­pret­ing nonverbal messages, but it’s also useful to be aware of your own and when you want to persuade someone in a con­ver­sa­tion or ne­go­ti­ation. If you know how certain facial ex­pres­sions and gestures affect other people and put these cues to good use, you’ll know how to persuade others better.

When in­ter­pret­ing someone else’s non-verbal cues, you can infer a lot about someone’s emotional state and in­ten­tions based on their sitting posture, eye contact or slight hand gestures. Most people are more willing to trust someone if the person’s words and nonverbal cues match, and we interpret the nonverbal signals as positive.

We quickly begin to doubt the other person’s trust­wor­thi­ness or com­pet­ence if their words and non-verbal cues don’t match. When that happens, most people remember the non-verbal cue better because it’s usually done un­con­sciously and appears more honest.

When trying to be aware of our own non-verbal cues, we can con­sciously use nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion to:

• Inspire trust
• Strengthen the effect of our words
• Radiate self-con­fid­ence
• Gain support

For example, if your boss con­grat­u­lates you for a job well done, a handshake em­phas­ises the verbal message. During a present­a­tion, you can use facial ex­pres­sions and gestures to emphasise your words and com­mu­nic­ate your messages more clearly.

Studies have shown that nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion not only affects those who in­ter­pret­ing the other person. The person doing the com­mu­nic­a­tion can also use it to influence their own emotions. Job ap­plic­ants who con­sciously assumed a self-confident posture for a few seconds prior to a interview behaved more con­fid­ently in the interview and were ul­ti­mately more suc­cess­ful.

In group situ­ations, nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion is often used to strengthen the sense of community, for example when the audience applauds during a concert or when a stadium of soccer fans do a Mexican wave.

Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion is complex and how you interpret it often depends on the social context. There’s no dic­tion­ary of uni­ver­sally defined nonverbal messages.

But there are some fun­da­ment­al nonverbal cues that are uni­ver­sally un­der­stood all over the world. According to psy­cho­lo­gist Paul Ekman, seven basic emotions are conveyed with the same facial ex­pres­sions in every culture: happiness, anger, disgust, fear, contempt, sadness and surprise. Big cultural and regional dif­fer­ences do exist, however.

Here are some tips that will help you improve your ability to decipher nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion:

Keep your stress level low. When you’re under pressure, your mental resources are limited. When under stress, you’re far more likely to mis­in­ter­pret nonverbal cues or fail to notice them at all.

You won’t be able to correctly interpret emotional cues in other peoples’ body language unless you’re aware of your own feelings and know how to influence them. Regularly take the time to explore how your feelings affect your posture, facial ex­pres­sions, gestures, and voice mod­u­la­tion.

The cultural, situ­ation­al and personal context has a big effect on how we assess non-verbal cues. A bent posture might convey a lack of self-con­fid­ence, but in someone with back trouble, it may simply be a message of pain. Crossed arms can signal de­fens­ive­ness, but some people almost always cross their arms out of habit.

You can’t suc­cess­fully interpret the other person’s state of mind by reading a single nonverbal cue. You have to pick up on a multitude of nonverbal signals the person is broad­cast­ing over different nonverbal channels.

If you’re unsure how to interpret certain nonverbal cues, talk to the other person instead of jumping to con­clu­sions. Does the posture of the person you’re talking to seem to signal a lack of con­cen­tra­tion? Offer them a break. If your co-worker seems annoyed and dis­missive with you, tell them so and give them the op­por­tun­ity to correct your ob­ser­va­tions.

Nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion can seem confusing, ambiguous and con­tra­dict­ory. When in doubt, trust your intuition. It can often be a sub­con­scious response to your ob­ser­va­tions and your history with certain people or situ­ations. Therefore, you’re often totally right to trust your intuition (although, as discussed above, you can certainly ask the other person what they’re feeling, if ap­pro­pri­ate for the situation).

If you com­pletely ignore nonverbal cues when com­mu­nic­at­ing in the workplace, you’ll encounter dif­fi­culties sooner or later. Pro­fes­sion­al success involves more than just subject-matter expertise. Soft skills and social skills are also important. If you’re in a man­age­ment position, you have to know how to deal with your employees. Your pro­fes­sion­al life is likely to be smoother and more suc­cess­ful the better you can read the non-verbal cues of business partners, col­leagues and customers, and the better you are at con­trolling your own nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion.

As mentioned above, it’s difficult to give universal tips for in­ter­pret­ing and sending nonverbal cues. But if we confine ourselves to the European and North American context, we can make general re­com­mend­a­tions on how to use nonverbal com­mu­nic­a­tion to make a more self-confident im­pres­sion and win the support of others.

1. Mirror the nonverbal behaviour of your audience: Obviously, you can’t do this if the other person doesn’t adhere to basic rules of civility. (For example, if the other person is going berserk and screaming, don’t mirror their behaviour!) You can normally create trust if you slightly mirror the other person’s in­ton­a­tion, body language and facial ex­pres­sions. This behaviour is un­con­sciously in­ter­preted as “common ground” and makes the other person more receptive to your words.
2. Keep the right distance: Every person has a personal space zone that is reserved for close friends and family. In many cultures, the radius of this zone is about the length of an arm. You shouldn’t invade this space without per­mis­sion. The normal distance for a con­ver­sa­tion is between 60 and 150 cen­ti­metres. You can vary this distance depending on how well you know the other person.
3. Check your sitting posture: If you want to make a confident first im­pres­sion, whether you’re in a job interview or a team meeting, make use of the whole seat instead of just sitting at the edge of your chair. Otherwise, you’re sig­nalling that you’re unsettled or nervous and don’t want to be there. Sit upright but not stiff. Don’t sprawl out on your chair and don’t lean all the way back. This can make you seem dis­in­ter­ested or arrogant. Instead, lean in every now and then to signal at­tent­ive­ness. And if possible, don’t sit directly opposite the other person because that can create a con­front­a­tion­al mood.
4. Pay attention to eye contact: Eye contact is one of the most important nonverbal signals. It makes you look confident, open and trust­worthy. However, you shouldn’t look the other person in the eye for more than 3 seconds. Otherwise, your gaze will be perceived as a stare and trigger dis­com­fort instead of trust.
5. Confident standing posture: You’ll always be perceived as confident when you assume a natural standing posture. Your feet should be hip-width apart and your arms should hang naturally down the sides of your body. Contrary to what some experts say, you don’t always have to dis­trib­ute your weight evenly between both legs. You won’t make a negative im­pres­sion if you shift from one leg to the other oc­ca­sion­ally. In fact, shifting your weight can increase your comfort and ul­ti­mately make you feel more confident.

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